


bees

by lifegavemelemonsandimsad



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, night anxiety, sleepless night with dAn, who needs a weighted blanket when you have a phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 15:52:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17728199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifegavemelemonsandimsad/pseuds/lifegavemelemonsandimsad
Summary: Dan cant sleep again.





	bees

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this lil thing as i was lying in bed dreading having to put my phone down and face my anxiety that i had been ignoring all night. if only i had a phil,, or a weighted blanket. but i'd much rather have a phil, ngl. 
> 
> as always,, comments, kudos, and constructive criticism are immensely helpful and greatly appreciated.
> 
> twt: @/lemonsandimsad

Dan hates this. He hates knowing this. The shakiness he feels in his wrists, the restlessness of his legs, how tight his throat is and how hard it makes the simple act of breathing is all familiar. He's not sure if that makes this easier or harder.

Phil is asleep. His nose is making a quiet whistling noise as he exhales and his hand is limp on Dan's hip. 

Dan wonders what it would be like for sleep to come so easily. It's been a while, too long to remember what it was like to fall asleep without a mild anxiety attack the second he puts his phone down.

He shifts to his back, letting phils hand fall to the mattress. It feels like there are bees in his lungs, each breath buzzing more than the last. He digs the nail on his thumb into the tips of each of his fingers. It's an attempt at distracting his brain, and it works, kind of. He's spread out like a starfish on top of the covers, but he still feels like his limbs are in a knot.

The restless floaty feeling tells him to move before he's lost in the vast darkness that is their bedroom. He turns onto his other side and takes note of the way his toes can still feel the duvet beneath him. Now his back is to Phil so he pushes a leg back to meet his to make sure he's still there.

He just wants to fucking breathe.

He grabs his pillow and rolls over on top of it, his arms crossed and squished under his chest. Sometimes this helps. And it does this time, kind of. The bees calm down, but his wrists still sting with energy.

If he listens closely he can hear Phil's nasal cavities still whistling beside him. He could just wake him up, but that would be the fifth time this week and he really doesn’t want to make a habit out of it. Phil can say differently all he wants, but Dan will always feel like a nuisance.

He turns to his side again, full circle. He doesn't know why but for some reason pillows are less comfy when he's like this, so he shoves his pillow above his head.

He closes his eyes and pushes his nose into the sheets, sandwiching his hand between his thighs. His legs feel fine like this but the bees are back. He sighs and opens his eyes. Phil hasn't moved an inch.

He sits up and that doesn't help at all. Now he's dizzy and the cold air burns his throat. He's sweaty and cold all at the same time, and he hates being sweaty and he hates being cold and he hates this so fucking much.

Maybe it's already habit.

Dan places a hand on Phil's shoulder and shakes him gently, trying to push away the guilt for now. Phil stirs awake after a few shakes and immediately sits up the moment he sees Dan sat up.

“What's wrong?” Phil asks in his croaky, sleepy voice and rubs his eye.

Dan doesn't say anything. He just lays back down on his back and pulls Phil's shoulders on top of him. Phil settles without another word, slotting one leg between Dan's and pushing his chin into Dan's shoulder. Dan wraps his arms around Phil's back and locks his fingers together.

He still feels shaky, but the second heartbeat he can feel on his chest definitely helps. The puff of Phil's breath on his shoulder definitely helps. The warmth and weight of another body on top of his definitely helps. Dan still apologizes softly because he feel like he has to.

“S'okay, bub.” Phil mumbles into Dan.

He knows it's okay. But his ears still need to hear it. If they don't, his brain will fill in the blanks and he knows his brain is in no condition to do so right know.

Dan kisses Phil's shoulder in place of a 'thank you' because that's what he wants to say but he also doesn't want to be any more of a disturbance than he already has been.

But God, he's thankful for Phil. What a weird request. "Lay on top of me to make me feel better.". Dan is weird. Phil is weird too, because it doesn't even bother him. If anyone else was in this bed they would probably tell him to fuck off with a chuckle and turn over. And Dan would understand. What he doesn't understand is why and how Phil is so… Good. For him.

There's no way he did anything even close to good enough in this universe to deserve Phil. He just got really lucky. Really, really fucking lucky.

Dan notices how his breathing has steadied. Traces of electricity linger in his legs and wrists, but it's mostly gone. He feels like he's floating, but in the good way. He wiggles his fingers and toes for good measure, but he feels at ease.

He squeezes Phil and sighs. His eyes are shut and he’s okay with that. He doesn't hate this.


End file.
